Artist Statement Dylan Jones

            Every day, I go to work in a rotten world. In a rotten world, the thing I do every day is work. My socks are dirty and my they say my feet stink. “Peeee Yoooou!” they greet me. My dogs bark at them. Stinky, stinky dogs. Yesterday I walked all floors of the building and lit each and every light, locked each and every lock, sprung each and every faucet, and flushed each and every toilet to make sure they were in proper working condition. If they weren’t, I wrote it down and sent the information off to be taking care of by the union employees. When you walk in to the bathroom and you’re checking all the lights and locks and faucets and toilets, people take you for a nut. At the same time I’m going into each and every room and counting the tables, chairs and garbage cans. I write down how many there are and send the information off to be taken care of by the union employees. And then, too, I check for graffiti; damaged walls, baseboards, doors, windows and blinds. One time I painted over some graffiti myself. I was just trying to be helpful, but the union employees wouldn’t have it. If I were a dog, I’d be barking too.

            I do get to clean sometimes, though. They’ve got this stuff called “Goof Off”®, this slimy stuff that removes solvents, inks, paints; just about any kind of gunk you can think of. I love this stuff. It’s a miracle cleaner. It doesn’t smell like turpentine or paint stripper either, it smells like fresh oranges. Call me crazy, but I like the smell of gasoline. Don’t get the wrong idea, now. I’m straight sober. But its just something about it reminds me of something, or feels like something and I just love it. The other thing they have me do quite a bit is move furniture, which is much better than going through the checklist. I dropped a table on the big toe seven years ago. I was carrying it with my boss, and when I took off my shoe the thing was all purple and black and green and yellow and blue, like Aurora Borealis on the big toe. I tried telling the boss it was fine, but then the big toe was so big that I couldn’t put my shoe back on. So, they sent me to the doctor and gave me the rest of the day off. What they really owe me is a new toenail.

            When I get home, first thing I do is feed both the dogs and let them out. Then, I go to the garage. I have a full set up in there—band saw, chop saw, drill press, combination stationary belt and disk sander, table saw, thickness planer, jointer, lathe, mortising machine and just about all of the hand tools you could think of. I’ve been working on a worktable for the shop. I haven’t started on the legs yet, but the tabletop is magnificent—solid Ash, just like a Lista® table. After it’s orbital-sanded thoroughly with 400 grit sandpaper, I’ll put a finish on it. First, I’ll wipe on a few layers of linseed oil cut with mineral spirits. After that’s dried, I’m going to use a wipe-on MinWax® Polyurethane, so it really shines.